At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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