at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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