i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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