I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
