Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
did you just send me my own nude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
