i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
