y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
