got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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