Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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