i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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