If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
