I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
