I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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