dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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