i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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