if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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