Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
