Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
