and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
