Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Then you guys just all showered together...?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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