if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I believe in your delicious
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
