i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
