Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
