her vagine was all disorganized.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
