sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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