bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
