Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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