you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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