I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
