Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize