And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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