So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
