I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
