Already got asked if we're dating
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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