in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
