Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
