Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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