Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
