Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
