the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
