you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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