I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
