I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
