haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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