he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Houston, we have a squirter
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
