I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just had sex on a roof
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
