4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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