Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
