The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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