She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
