i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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