Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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