I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
