Don't make out with my wife yet
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
