at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
