He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
