I faked an abortion last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
