I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's always time for handjobs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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