Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
40s are totally the cure
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
