You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
