I showed him my bush... on skype.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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