I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
don't judge my taste in strippers
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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