Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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