i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
