i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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