They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Everything about him screamed your future.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize