I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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