listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
