I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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