Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
