I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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