Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
