If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize