So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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