piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
