Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
