I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
