Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
