THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
