Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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