captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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