Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
