...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
